"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
