Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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