I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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