i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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