Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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