I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
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I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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