hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
