I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
