I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
