Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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