I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
