i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
