Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
