I wish I could teleport
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
