Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
