Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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