Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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