I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
