it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
