its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
