Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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