fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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