I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
