it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
