He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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