Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
