It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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