There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is wine microwaveable?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sobbing to NWA
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