dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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