i think i have two assholes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
