We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
