In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
