i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
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What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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