Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
