I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
