A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
