Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
