'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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