these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
