woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
