remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
