You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
