sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
