I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How's work?
Spinning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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