you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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