walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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