You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
