Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
