Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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