Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
