During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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