Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
