So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
