i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
