So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
