she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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