oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
