i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
