Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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