how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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