Plan B is the new Plan A
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
