i need an iv and a liver transplant
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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