Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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