i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
