Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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