So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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