This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
