i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
