I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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