It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
