how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
