Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
