She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
