I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
