You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
