i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
