i would punch a child for taco bell
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
