Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
