this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.