If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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