I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
