I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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