Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
