when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize