I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
that is very illegal...i love you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
