all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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