She's JV to your varsity
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
