remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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